I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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