so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
