i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
