I hate your face
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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