tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he just fucked me for my cheese..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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