I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
