so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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