i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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