Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
