I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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