i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
