i permit you to call me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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