Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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