I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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