if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The uberlube is also flammable
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
