so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm like, not good at living.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
