it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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