I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
