Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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