just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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