you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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