Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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