zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
