Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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