found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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