I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
