carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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