Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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