Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
