My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
