I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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