im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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