woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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