Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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