The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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