i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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