i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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