This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
