I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
