you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
