i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
