I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
