he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize