Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
