I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
