Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
