If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
