i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
