I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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