You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
honey bunches of taint.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
