U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
