he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
