I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
