omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
