listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
