I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
