Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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