hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
