This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
