So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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