I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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