ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
