Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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