There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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