some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
