So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
