I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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