The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
