You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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