i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
